“I forgive you” could be one of the biggest misnomers ever created by a perpetrator posing as a victim.
Why? Because, I believe, that most disputes occur before we have gotten agreements on how we treat each other. In other words we usually assume that we are going to be treated a certain way from someone and when they fail to live up to our expectations we hold it against them for their “bad ” behaviour and we become the victim. To “forgive them” is a misnomer because, I think, that we first should apologise to them for not actually getting such agreements to these rules of engagements before we had the dispute.
Hopefully they forgive us for placing such implicit expectations upon them. And if they did the same then a reciprocal apology would be necessary to completely resolve the dispute and to start over afresh. Hopefully by getting those explicit rules of engagement first up.
When we first meet we tend to rely upon politeness, manners and Etiquette for how we treat each other. We can use these implied rules of engagement to form explicit agreements of treatment.
If this sounds very foreign to you and you have had a few breakups in your time then it might explain why. I don’t believe that you would have formed the explicit rules of engagement that were going to see your relationship through the distance in order to achieve whatever purpose you were hoping to fulfil.
To me explicit agreements rule. Here are 6 that I have prepared before hand, all beginning with A, that my brother and I use in our business and personal relationship.
Adjustable, Accountable and Acceptable language.
Respond or dispute with:
Appreciation, Acknowledgement and Apology.