eBook

Free  PDF Download ( Rethink Perfect pdf )
Online reader  ( rethinkperfect )

Sponsored by Tripcover Car Rental Excess Insurance

book_cover

A Test of a First Rate Intelligence
F. Scott Fitzgerald famously said that “The test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.” Rethink Perfect is a “test of a first-rate intelligence”. I like to think it is the combination of the “glass half full” AND “glass half empty” thinking. Or, the art of being pragmatic AND a dreamer, able to hold both opposing or contradictory outlooks at the same time. Being able to find the balance, however fleetingly, between false dichotomies such as right and wrong, good and bad, love and hate, perfect and failure is the goal of Rethink Perfect thinking.
What is new, I think, is my application of Rethink Perfect on relationship theory and the tools that have been spun off by being able to plan for perfect relations and prepare for the failure.

Seeking Dissent and Diversity
In Think Twice, Michael Mauboussin’s book on harnessing the power of counter intuition, talks about on page 34 seeking out dissent by finding data from “….reliable sources that offer conclusions different than yours. This helps avoid a foolish inconsistency”. And “when possible, surround yourself with people that have dissenting views. This is emotionally and intellectually very difficult but is highly effective in exposing alternatives.”
Rethink Perfect is designed to reduce the emotional and intellectual difficulty of having relations with people with dissenting views.

In Guy Kawasaki’s book Enchantment, he talks about having a diverse team.
” A diverse team helps make enchantment last, because people with different backgrounds, perspectives, and skills keep a cause fresh and relevant. By contrast when a naked emperor runs a kingdom of sycophants and clones, the cause moves towards mediocrity.”
Rethink Perfect is my way of encouraging and maintaining diverse views, together.


Authors, Share Your Book with Millions of Readers

From free to full-service, CreateSpace offers on demand self publishing options to meet your needs and budget. Sign up free now.

Posted in Agreements

Rethink Perfect – Why Relationships Fail

111

I think relationships fail because one or both people use anger to indicate an issue and also use anger to try solve it.

For me anger (in its various forms and levels) maybe is understandable, to some degree as we come to terms with new problems and issues in a relationship and fail in our dealing with them, but ultimately not an acceptable form of behaviour.

In others words, I cannot reward anger for anger but I cannot accept it also.
If two people in a relationship could agree on this complex idea then when we do slip into  our angry behaviour, we can be reminded of it by the other and simply put up our hand in acknowledgement and give an acceptable apology for our imperfect behaviour.

Being aware of the early signs of anger and agreeing to them is the next step.
Rhetorical questions, tone, volume, speaking over someone, for me, are signs of
anger in at its various levels. It is important that we monitor each other and also self monitor so as to remember to take a breath or break when we are heading towards a
heated exchange.

Using such traditional tools such as adjustable, accountable and acceptable language, and responding with appreciation, acknowledgement and apology, can go a long way to calming us both and playing by the rules.

Failing to get such agreements to these or any other rules of engagement, to me, is the beginning of the end, even before we have started, ha!

Posted in Agreements, Bias, Relationships | Leave a comment

Suckers

I think that the men that have ever used the derogatory terms such as “slut”, “whore”, “tart” or “tramp” and even “liar” are obviously “suckers”, victims of their own ignorance and stupidity.

As the saying goes “one born every minute”.

Posted in Agreements | Leave a comment

Rethink Our Final Judgement

software-testing-bias

Rethink Our Final Judgement

The other day, I heard someone mention that old cliché of how they reacted when they felt “judged”. And it got me thinking about this word and this is what has transpired.

First, my definition of what the purpose of a boyfriend or girlfriend is, seems appropriate: ie. “Someone that we are having sex with while assessing (judging) if we want to have a longer term relationship with them”.

In my view, basically, we were born to judge. All our senses do exactly that, judge. Balance, distance, weight, time, space, volume, temperature, scent, texture etc etc. We can also judge or assess our feelings and what we hear. When someone speaks to us, we can assess how accurate the information is or how sincere they deliver it. How they felt when they delivered it, how much they believed it and so on.

These assessments or judgements are part of everyday life. Yes, we make thousands of judgements every day and then we meet someone and they assess that we are judging them…ha! Yes, it is true. We are all doing it, judging, making judgements or assessing all the time, all our life and so what?

I think that these judgements that we make are weighed against risk, it is what gives us our sense of balance. Every judgement we make has been assessed and measured by risk. It is our risk assessment and this is not so easy for some of us in certain areas of our life, possibly due to our biases and lack of knowledge, skill and practice.

For example, the people that can risk assess and make excellent judgement calls in the physical space are usually our professional athletes. People that make good financial and business risk assessments are usually our entrepreneurs and business people.

To me, life is one big risk assessment and judgement call, and the biggest risk assessment or judgement call that we can ever make, in my view, is to choose or select our personal partner or husband/wife. Maybe all our risk assessing, judging and judgement calls are all honed so that we can make this ultimate choice, what is, for most of us our mating partner.

So, when you feel judged next time someone gives you feedback, maybe take into consideration that they might be just honing their skills in their mating cycle. And remember, your assessment of what they say is also a judgement call. What is more important to me, is to make sure that they or I do not consider our assessment as perfect. After all, these assessments or judgement calls are still only opinions, aren’t they? Although, some of them may have been honed to near perfection, still, there must be room for error to be considered, after all it is not our final judgement, or is it?

Posted in Agreements | Leave a comment

Love, Creativity & Innovation are a Negotiation Process….

Where we negotiate with, ourself and each other…to save, protect and try…..ideas, understandings and proposals.

Creating, finding and maintaining…a safe physical, emotional and intellectual…environment to undertake such negotiations is imperative in my view, and is the first step in the process of love, creativity and innovation.

Posted in Agreements | Leave a comment

My Relationship Resume 

Male that:

  1. Never gets angry
  2. Never tells bullshit
  3. Will always help you within an hour when asked
  • And will give an acceptable apology when he doesn’t keep 1,2 & 3

He will help you understand him and believes that creating understandings together is the basis for love. (Warning, creativity is not easy)

Looking for someone to reciprocate.

Posted in Agreements | Leave a comment

3 Minute Lie & Apology

It seems to me that we all lie to a lesser or greater degree, and really, I don’t see this as a major problem. Let him/her that does not lie cast the first stone. But what I do see as very damaging and destructive is when we are found out and we deny our lie. We lie about lying.
This is when we are going to be in real trouble I think.

So here is my new understanding proposal. That we are allowed to lie but if we are discovered, then the least we can do is acknowledge it by putting up our hand and apologise for the lie.

If we can do this in 3 minutes and not 3 days then I think a relationship has a chance of succeeding. If not then I think the relationship is bound to fail, eventually.

Posted in Agreements | Leave a comment

Uneven Keel

I just realised the other day that the counter balance on this diagram is now called
a Keel and it is used to keep the relationship on an “Even Keel”
At present I continue to slip over into an uneven keel with my latest victim….I mean GF, as per below:

counterbalance2

Relationship without effective created understandings (Uneven Keel)

My brother, Steve and I seem to do it ok as we have a lot of created understandings in place to assist. Maybe the even keel consists of these created understandings?

counterbalance1

Relationship with effective created understandings (Even Keel)

So as one sets up this keel of created understandings with a prospective partner
technically it should become more even, in theory.
Nice! Worth testing.
Posted in Agreements | Leave a comment