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A Test of a First Rate Intelligence
F. Scott Fitzgerald famously said that “The test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.” Rethink Perfect is a “test of a first-rate intelligence”. I like to think it is the combination of the “glass half full” AND “glass half empty” thinking. Or, the art of being pragmatic AND a dreamer, able to hold both opposing or contradictory outlooks at the same time. Being able to find the balance, however fleetingly, between false dichotomies such as right and wrong, good and bad, love and hate, perfect and failure is the goal of Rethink Perfect thinking.
What is new, I think, is my application of Rethink Perfect on relationship theory and the tools that have been spun off by being able to plan for perfect relations and prepare for the failure.
Seeking Dissent and Diversity
In Think Twice, Michael Mauboussin’s book on harnessing the power of counter intuition, talks about on page 34 seeking out dissent by finding data from “….reliable sources that offer conclusions different than yours. This helps avoid a foolish inconsistency”. And “when possible, surround yourself with people that have dissenting views. This is emotionally and intellectually very difficult but is highly effective in exposing alternatives.”
Rethink Perfect is designed to reduce the emotional and intellectual difficulty of having relations with people with dissenting views.
In Guy Kawasaki’s book Enchantment, he talks about having a diverse team.
” A diverse team helps make enchantment last, because people with different backgrounds, perspectives, and skills keep a cause fresh and relevant. By contrast when a naked emperor runs a kingdom of sycophants and clones, the cause moves towards mediocrity.”
Rethink Perfect is my way of encouraging and maintaining diverse views, together.
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Where we negotiate with, ourself and each other…to save, protect and try…..ideas, understandings and proposals.
Creating, finding and maintaining…a safe physical, emotional and intellectual…environment to undertake such negotiations is imperative in my view, and is the first step in the process of love, creativity and innovation.
- Never gets angry
- Never tells bullshit
- Will always help you within an hour when asked
- And will give an acceptable apology when he doesn’t keep 1,2 & 3
He will help you understand him and believes that creating understandings together is the basis for love. (Warning, creativity is not easy)
Looking for someone to reciprocate.
It seems to me that we all lie to a lesser or greater degree, and really, I don’t see this as a major problem. Let him/her that does not lie cast the first stone. But what I do see as very damaging and destructive is when we are found out and we deny our lie. We lie about lying.
This is when we are going to be in real trouble I think.
So here is my new understanding proposal. That we are allowed to lie but if we are discovered, then the least we can do is acknowledge it by putting up our hand and apologise for the lie.
If we can do this in 3 minutes and not 3 days then I think a relationship has a chance of succeeding. If not then I think the relationship is bound to fail, eventually.
I just realised the other day that the counter balance on this diagram is now called
a Keel and it is used to keep the relationship on an “Even Keel”
At present I continue to slip over into an uneven keel with my latest victim….I mean GF, as per below:
Relationship without effective created understandings (Uneven Keel)
My brother, Steve and I seem to do it ok as we have a lot of created understandings in place to assist. Maybe the even keel consists of these created understandings?
Relationship with effective created understandings (Even Keel)
So as one sets up this keel of created understandings with a prospective partner
technically it should become more even, in theory.
Nice! Worth testing.
I think love/relationships is all about treating each other carefully and being especially careful about our reactions. Using Created Understandings or more commonly called “agreements” to assist in this process.
Preparing for the failure or lack of perfection during this process is imperative and
so creating our first understanding, around an apology process, is a good idea.
I suggest using a 3 step apology process where we state:
- What we did
- Why we did it, and
- What we would do next time
But you might have a better understanding to suggest?
I would go without food for a thought.
Talk a lot and make it up as you go along………..