- Never gets angry
- Never tells bullshit
- Will always help you within an hour when asked
- And will give an acceptable apology when he doesn’t keep 1,2 & 3
He will help you understand him and believes that creating understandings together is the basis for love. (Warning, creativity is not easy)
Looking for someone to reciprocate.
It seems to me that we all lie to a lesser or greater degree, and really, I don’t see this as a major problem. Let him/her that does not lie cast the first stone. But what I do see as very damaging and destructive is when we are found out and we deny our lie. We lie about lying.
This is when we are going to be in real trouble I think.
So here is my new understanding proposal. That we are allowed to lie but if we are discovered, then the least we can do is acknowledge it by putting up our hand and apologise for the lie.
If we can do this in 3 minutes and not 3 days then I think a relationship has a chance of succeeding. If not then I think the relationship is bound to fail, eventually.
I just realised the other day that the counter balance on this diagram is now called
a Keel and it is used to keep the relationship on an “Even Keel”
At present I continue to slip over into an uneven keel with my latest victim….I mean GF, as per below:
Relationship without effective created understandings (Uneven Keel)
My brother, Steve and I seem to do it ok as we have a lot of created understandings in place to assist. Maybe the even keel consists of these created understandings?
Relationship with effective created understandings (Even Keel)
So as one sets up this keel of created understandings with a prospective partner
technically it should become more even, in theory.
Nice! Worth testing.
I think love/relationships is all about treating each other carefully and being especially careful about our reactions. Using Created Understandings or more commonly called “agreements” to assist in this process.
Preparing for the failure or lack of perfection during this process is imperative and
so creating our first understanding, around an apology process, is a good idea.
I suggest using a 3 step apology process where we state:
- What we did
- Why we did it, and
- What we would do next time
But you might have a better understanding to suggest?
I would go without food for a thought.
Talk a lot and make it up as you go along………..
Why try to understand each other? Probably a question you have never asked yourself.
A lot seems to be written about understanding ourselves and each other but for what reason? I say it is far more important to “create an understanding” between us rather than simply understanding ourselves and others.
Once I understand you and you understand me, we then seem to set about trying to change the other to suit ourselves. But what if we dedicated more of our energies into creating an understanding between us rather than to just understand each other?
I think that is what I have been doing for most of my adult life or striving to but missing the mark considerably as I believe most of us seem to be doing, because of this simple nuance.
So what does “create an understanding” mean. Simple. We strive at understanding each other and then strive even harder at creating an understanding or what I call an agreement on how we are going to proceed forward. The devil is in the detail of forming this agreement NOT in the observing and understanding of the problem.
It is this moving forward that seems to be missing in the idea of just trying to understand each other.
Now that this is clearer in my mind and I can then help you understand it (here), I believe we can start to build an understanding on how we will move forward, from this point, together. Let’s try.
PS Next post is on: How to Create an Understanding…Together.