3 Minute Lie & Apology

It seems to me that we all lie to a lesser or greater degree, and really, I don’t see this as a major problem. Let him/her that does not lie cast the first stone. But what I do see as very damaging and destructive is when we are found out and we deny our lie. We lie about lying.
This is when we are going to be in real trouble I think.

So here is my new understanding proposal. That we are allowed to lie but if we are discovered, then the least we can do is acknowledge it by putting up our hand and apologise for the lie.

If we can do this in 3 minutes and not 3 days then I think a relationship has a chance of succeeding. If not then I think the relationship is bound to fail, eventually.

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Uneven Keel

I just realised the other day that the counter balance on this diagram is now called
a Keel and it is used to keep the relationship on an “Even Keel”
At present I continue to slip over into an uneven keel with my latest victim….I mean GF, as per below:


Relationship without effective created understandings (Uneven Keel)

My brother, Steve and I seem to do it ok as we have a lot of created understandings in place to assist. Maybe the even keel consists of these created understandings?


Relationship with effective created understandings (Even Keel)

So as one sets up this keel of created understandings with a prospective partner
technically it should become more even, in theory.
Nice! Worth testing.
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Created Understandings

I think love/relationships is all about treating each other carefully and being especially careful about our reactions. Using Created Understandings or more commonly called “agreements” to assist in this process.

Preparing for the failure or lack of perfection during this process is imperative and
so creating our first understanding, around an apology process, is a good idea.

I suggest using a 3 step apology process where we state:

  1. What we did
  2. Why we did it, and
  3. What we would do next time

But you might have a better understanding to suggest?

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Food for Thought

I would go without food for a thought.

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How to Create an Understanding….Together

Talk a lot and make it up as you go along………..

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Create an Understanding

Untitled-1Why try to understand each other? Probably a question you have never asked yourself.
A lot seems to be written about understanding ourselves and each other but for what reason? I say it is far more important to “create an understanding” between us rather than simply understanding ourselves and others.

Once I understand you and you understand me, we then seem to set about trying to change the other to suit ourselves. But what if we dedicated more of our energies into creating an understanding between us rather than to just understand each other?

I think that is what I have been doing for most of my adult life or striving to but missing the mark considerably as I believe most of us seem to be doing, because of this simple nuance.

So what does “create an understanding” mean. Simple. We strive at understanding each other and then strive even harder at creating an understanding or what I call an agreement on how we are going to proceed forward. The devil is in the detail of forming this agreement NOT in the observing and understanding of the problem.

It is this moving forward that seems to be missing in the idea of just trying to understand each other.

Now that this is clearer in my mind and I can then help you understand it (here), I believe we can start to build an understanding on how we will move forward, from this point, together. Let’s try.

PS Next post is on: How to Create an Understanding…Together.

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Anger Responsibly

The Drink & Drive Responsibly campaigns in Australia have been very successful, helping in part to reduce the road deaths by a whopping 1000%.
From: 43/100k vehicles in 1980 down to 4.5/100k in 2014

Possibly kicking off in Victoria, in the 1980’s, with the Transport Accident Commission TAC, the figures seem to speak for themselves.

List of motor vehicle deaths in Australia by year

I am now proposing a new campaign that could equally have dramatic results in all facets
of our lives, from personal relationships, business relationships and partnerships, domestic violence and even violent crimes. I call it the Anger Responsibly campaign.

Instead of focusing on the symptoms of anger, such as violent crime and domestic violence, I am suggesting we focus on anger and making us more responsible for our behaviour.

From helping us monitor our own response to external feedback, to ultimately giving responsible apologies for our anger when our anger is no longer responsible and is adversely affecting others and oneself.

Like drinking responsibly, we each can decide what that is for us with a lot of people simply opting not to drink at all when driving, some of us could deem that no level of anger is right for them. Personally, I like to get a little excited in a discussion or conversation but would have to ensure that the person that I was participating with was up for a little excitement also.

“Responsible Anger” can have many levels and ultimately it is up to us all to form agreements to what levels are okay for each of us. But like the drink driving laws, there is  an ultimate level that we all can agree has over stepped the mark to be irresponsible.
Forming agreements on such levels will be crucial for such a campaign.

For years I have been working on the details of the Anger Responsibly campaign and would love to help in its inception. Any takers…..?


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