Who can deny that all conversation is an exchange of some sort or another, from the exchange of pleasantries, “Nice day, isn’t it?” to exchanging of proposals, “If I come back to you will you welcome me and marry me”
The exchange in in the sharing or our thoughts and or ultimate proposals.
So how do we make this exchange fair and equal, where we both gain more than we put in? Well, for exchanging pleasantries we generally use reasonably standard social mores to help as there is not much to be lost and gained. But for grand proposals it is a different matter, where we could lose or gain possibly hundreds of thousands of dollars, or even our life and the lives of our future children could be lost. It is in this area where we are going to need more explicit agreements, in my view, on how we go about both engaging and disengaging with our proposals. This is where the Object Principle comes in.
The Object Principle – How we disagree well, together
The other day, I heard someone mention that old cliché of how they reacted when they felt “judged”. And it got me thinking about this word and this is what has transpired.
First, my definition of what the purpose of a boyfriend or girlfriend is, seems appropriate: ie. “Someone that we are having sex with while assessing (judging) if we want to have a longer term relationship with them”.
In my view, basically, we were born to judge. All our senses do exactly that, judge. Balance, distance, weight, time, space, volume, temperature, scent, texture etc etc. We can also judge or assess our feelings and what we hear. When someone speaks to us, we can assess how accurate the information is or how sincere they deliver it. How they felt when they delivered it, how much they believed it and so on.
These assessments or judgements are part of everyday life. Yes, we make thousands of judgements every day and then we meet someone and they assess that we are judging them…ha! Yes, it is true. We are all doing it, judging, making judgements or assessing all the time, all our life and so what?
I think that these judgements that we make are weighed against risk, it is what gives us our sense of balance. Every judgement we make has been assessed and measured by risk. It is our risk assessment and this is not so easy for some of us in certain areas of our life, possibly due to our biases and lack of knowledge, skill and practice.
For example, the people that can risk assess and make excellent judgement calls in the physical space are usually our professional athletes. People that make good financial and business risk assessments are usually our entrepreneurs and business people.
To me, life is one big risk assessment and judgement call, and the biggest risk assessment or judgement call that we can ever make, in my view, is to choose or select our personal partner or husband/wife. Maybe all our risk assessing, judging and judgement calls are all honed so that we can make this ultimate choice, what is, for most of us our mating partner.
So, when you feel judged next time someone gives you feedback, maybe take into consideration that they might be just honing their skills in their mating cycle. And remember, your assessment of what they say is also a judgement call. What is more important to me, is to make sure that they or I do not consider our assessment as perfect. After all, these assessments or judgement calls are still only opinions, aren’t they? Although, some of them may have been honed to near perfection, still, there must be room for error to be considered, after all it is not our final judgement, or is it?