The Object Principle – How we disagree well, together


Having an engagement proposal is crazy without a disengagement proposal….

Who can deny that all conversation is an exchange of some sort or another, from the exchange of pleasantries, “Nice day, isn’t it?” to exchanging of proposals, “If I come back to you will you welcome me and marry me”
The exchange in in the sharing or our thoughts and or ultimate proposals.

So how do we make this exchange fair and equal, where we both gain more than we put in? Well, for exchanging pleasantries we generally use reasonably standard social mores to help as there is not much to be lost and gained. But for grand proposals it is a different matter, where we could lose or gain possibly hundreds of thousands of dollars, or even our life and the lives of our future children could be lost. It is in this area where we are going to need more explicit agreements, in my view, on how we go about both engaging and disengaging with our proposals. This is where the Object Principle comes in.

The Object Principle – How we disagree well, together

The Object Principle – How we disagree well, together
— Read on

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Dare to Object – How to be More Objective


So you would like to be more objective then Dare to object!
However, be careful and…

  • are to object using grounds – (not coffee) but the reason you object ie
    “I object on the grounds of hearsay evidence”
  • Dare to object and not get angry.  – It is easy to detect if one is angry.
    ie Volume, tone, rhetorical or leading questions & with a lack of …….
    (for more see – The D is for Dare to object)
  • Do not get scared – ie Get an agreement, upfront to Dare to object and an agreement to not get angry.
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Objective Truth – A better Way

So, how do we become more objective (less subjective)?

I think it is simple, just start objecting!

Yes, that’s right…..object… what the extreme or far right and left are saying and doing, and we will find the object.

IF the center is the object or objective then we will not find it on the far left or far right. Object, every time we hear anything that sounds like absolute truth or dogma.

Find the objective truth, or at least a better way.

How I think we should object is another post.

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Accountable & Responsible

Ask anyone in the world if they believe we all should be accountable and responsible and they will answer yes. So, why is there such a lack of accountability and responsibility in the world? I guess there are two reasons for this.

  1. Because when we are talking about being accountable and responsible we are talking about a certain level of, and everyone seems to have a different level that they deem appropriate for others and for themselves.
  2. Because of our bias towards ourselves. ie. We think everyone else should be more accountable and responsible to us than we necessarily should be towards others.

I was speaking with some people yesterday and we mentioned apologizing or saying sorry as a form of taking responsibility and being accountable. I went on to say that not only do we need to say sorry or apologize for our failures but give an acceptable apology for them. Siting last weeks public episodes of the United Airlines dragged off passenger and Sean Spicer’s comment about Hitler not gassing his own people.

The people that I was talking with initially deemed the idea of giving an acceptable apology as taking the idea of accountability and responsibility too far. But in the end if we give an apology that is not accepted then ultimately the issues are not going to be fully resolved.

Both Spicer and the CEO of United took about 4 attempts before their apology was within the realms of being acceptable. How do we know that? When the public criticism and ridicule subsided.

Understanding this idea of giving an acceptable apology and not just an apology or saying sorry, is the level of accountability and responsibility that we can all agree upon
and that we all hold each other to whether we like it or not.

PS Maybe we should also apologize for our failed attempts to apologize in the first place? Now that would be taking accountability and responsibility to the next level, maybe.


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Rethink Perfect – Why Relationships Fail


I think relationships fail because one or both people use anger to indicate an issue and also use anger to try solve it.

For me anger (in its various forms and levels) maybe is understandable, to some degree as we come to terms with new problems and issues in a relationship and fail in our dealing with them, but ultimately not an acceptable form of behaviour.

In others words, I cannot reward anger for anger but I cannot accept it also.
If two people in a relationship could agree on this complex idea then when we do slip into  our angry behaviour, we can be reminded of it by the other and simply put up our hand in acknowledgement and give an acceptable apology for our imperfect behaviour.

Being aware of the early signs of anger and agreeing to them is the next step.
Rhetorical questions, tone, volume, speaking over someone, for me, are signs of
anger in at its various levels. It is important that we monitor each other and also self monitor so as to remember to take a breath or break when we are heading towards a
heated exchange.

Using such traditional tools such as adjustable, accountable and acceptable language, and responding with appreciation, acknowledgement and apology, can go a long way to calming us both and playing by the rules.

Failing to get such agreements to these or any other rules of engagement, to me, is the beginning of the end, even before we have started, ha!

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I think that the men that have ever used the derogatory terms such as “slut”, “whore”, “tart” or “tramp” and even “liar” are obviously “suckers”, victims of their own ignorance and stupidity.

As the saying goes “one born every minute”.

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Rethink Our Final Judgement


Rethink Our Final Judgement

The other day, I heard someone mention that old cliché of how they reacted when they felt “judged”. And it got me thinking about this word and this is what has transpired.

First, my definition of what the purpose of a boyfriend or girlfriend is, seems appropriate: ie. “Someone that we are having sex with while assessing (judging) if we want to have a longer term relationship with them”.

In my view, basically, we were born to judge. All our senses do exactly that, judge. Balance, distance, weight, time, space, volume, temperature, scent, texture etc etc. We can also judge or assess our feelings and what we hear. When someone speaks to us, we can assess how accurate the information is or how sincere they deliver it. How they felt when they delivered it, how much they believed it and so on.

These assessments or judgements are part of everyday life. Yes, we make thousands of judgements every day and then we meet someone and they assess that we are judging them…ha! Yes, it is true. We are all doing it, judging, making judgements or assessing all the time, all our life and so what?

I think that these judgements that we make are weighed against risk, it is what gives us our sense of balance. Every judgement we make has been assessed and measured by risk. It is our risk assessment and this is not so easy for some of us in certain areas of our life, possibly due to our biases and lack of knowledge, skill and practice.

For example, the people that can risk assess and make excellent judgement calls in the physical space are usually our professional athletes. People that make good financial and business risk assessments are usually our entrepreneurs and business people.

To me, life is one big risk assessment and judgement call, and the biggest risk assessment or judgement call that we can ever make, in my view, is to choose or select our personal partner or husband/wife. Maybe all our risk assessing, judging and judgement calls are all honed so that we can make this ultimate choice, what is, for most of us our mating partner.

So, when you feel judged next time someone gives you feedback, maybe take into consideration that they might be just honing their skills in their mating cycle. And remember, your assessment of what they say is also a judgement call. What is more important to me, is to make sure that they or I do not consider our assessment as perfect. After all, these assessments or judgement calls are still only opinions, aren’t they? Although, some of them may have been honed to near perfection, still, there must be room for error to be considered, after all it is not our final judgement, or is it?

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