What are these six agreements that are going change the way we relate, forever?
Obviously this is my subjective view but let’s see what you think.
The six agreements that I am hoping to get with you are broken up into two parts.
Three for listening with and three for speaking with.
The Listening for agreements that I am proposing are:
1.That is we agree to use Adjustable language when we are conversing or making our point.
Examples of this are reminding each other that these are only our opinions and prefacing our statements with “I think…” or “to me” etc. No room of absolute language like “that’s perfect”, “it can’t be done” or “that’s impossible” without these prefaces. At any point we can enquire if the other person is still speaking from opinion rather from fact.
2. Accountable language being pretty self explanatory in that we take responsibility for what we say or do and not attribute things to others. For example “You make so frustrated” changes to “I get frustrated when we talk about this”.
No room for victims and persecutors. We make our bed and we lie in it.
3.If we find something that was said that we did not like but were unsure as to why we do not have to accept it and can let the other know that there is something wrong and we will get back to them on it. It might very well be that someone used very cleverly worded language that was not adjustable or accountable but we need some time to work on it.
For Speaking with I have three other agreements that I am proposing for better conversing:
4. Appreciate works by us remembering that no matter what is said that we cannot converse in a vacuum. That we cannot expect to hear perfection or even what we consider perfect. If we notice that the delivery is not adjustable or accountable enough for us we can let them know by first thinking them for their feedback and explain how we think their delivery can improve according to the first three agreements.
5. Apologise: If one of us lose it (the plot) then we and the relationship has lost it (the benefit). The Apology is for both of us do in response to this loss. Now granted one person is more than likely to seem to initiate this break down but we are both responsible for ensurng that it does not happen. So when it does happen we are both responsible for making such an apology. One for the overt aggression and the other for contributing and not spotting it early enough to prevent it getting to that point. The Apology consists of what I did, why I did it and what I will do (try) next time. Obviously to apologise to this level would take a lot of humbleness but the benefit is more for the person making the apology than the receiver. By reminding us how we can do better and avoiding blaming the other person for what occurred. As the saying goes “It takes two to tango”.
6. Acknowledge each point that is made when conversing. This requires discipline and patience on both sides not to introduce too many extraneous topics into the conversation until each issue is dealt with.
This is a basis of this book Rethink Perfect and how we relate with each in the course of improving our concepts and knowledge through conversing.
If anyone can explain why these proposed agreements would not be effective in improving conversations
especially when disagreements occur then please let me know and why and I would love to hear your opinion.
As we have not got any of these agreements at this stage can we please try to resort to common courtesy when replying to this post until such agreements are achieved.