Why Relationships Fail
“… and how to prepare for the failure”
Maybe relationships fail because we ask ourselves again:
(Rethink) “have I chosen the ‘right’ partner?” (Perfect)
And then we continue down this train of thinking and ask ourselves, “how do I know that I have?”
We then find some bee in our bonnet and see if we can convince our partner to change direction in the relationship. We think to ourselves if we cannot convince them to change with us then that is it. You were right. You have chosen the “wrong” person to be your partner and it is time to move on. Or they just blindly follow, moving with you, hoping to tag along for the ride while you do all the directional work, in a bid to convince yourself you have chosen the “right” partner.
Surely this crazy type of thinking could not exist! Or it may well explain why the failure rate of relationships are so devastatingly high.
So how do we curb such destructive thinking? Where, it is the thinking itself that is resulting in the failure? A sort of feedback loop in our thinking, designed to cause a failure. Maybe we can prepare for it, that is, if it actually exists. That we first actually agree that this thinking could exist by either one of us in our relationship, at any time.
How to Prepare for the Failure
Get agreements on the following:
1. Then we could first remove this idea of “commitment” and need to chose Mr or Mrs right. Maybe we could form agreements that were flexible and that only existed for as long as they stood to reason and could be renegotiated at any time in the future.
2. We could also agree to remove this idea of “convincing” the other. That we are not here to convince our partner but to convince or convert ourselves. If our partner is not in agreement, it is our own thinking is up for questioning not their “rightness”.
3. All aggression is agreed to come from this ‘testing” form of thinking and that although understandable it is not acceptable. Understandable, in that the fear and frustration we can feel at the thought of either the fear of losing ourselves by hanging around the “wrong” person. Or fear losing the other and the time I may have already spent with them.
4. That we agree to deal with all “bees in our bonnet” in a detailed and structured process using the Six A framework, DFMs, or what other method we come up with.