Can one lose or win a conversation?
I guess there are many reasons that people have conversations but I do believe that there is an ultimate goal of finding solutions. When egos come between people, “winning” and avoiding “losing” can take precedence over finding solutions, maybe.
My definition of what conversation is for is to “convert concepts into possible solutions by getting agreements”. These solutions, in the form of agreements, can be tainted as we allow our egos to override the ultimate goal.
If you participated in this conversation could you win or lose it?
Why not try and see. Or maybe that is why most people do not participate in such types of conversation, as they are afraid of “losing”. I think we can only really lose by having such a fear of losing and not participating because of it.
If Conversation is Competitive What is the Goal?
I think it is competitive and I also think the goal is to deliver the better content with the best delivery. For example, a great delivery but not so great content is something like:
“I think the world is flat according to the information that I have available to me”.
On the other hand great content but not so good delivery is something like:
“Your wrong mate, I have seen to world from a plane and it curves!”
The best delivery and content, to me, would be something like:
“From my experience and various other resources, I have formed the opinion that the world is round, but apparently not perfectly.”
Game, set and match!
Finally, getting an agreement (Reasonable Certainty) on the content through the fine delivery, is the ultimate goal, maybe. Any takers?
Do we need rules of engagement to make conversations fairer?
Controlling our egos can allow us to find these solutions and agreements more efficiently. I am proposing we use a 6A framework as part of these rules of engagement for controlling our ego.
Loyalty and Taking Sides
With every good competition comes a chance to take sides or sit on the fence. Changing one’s mind is an option but can be seen as a sign of losing rather than gaining insight.
You even have points in conversation.
That is good points and bad points 😉
As with every competition, the bluff is an important tool to defeat one’s opponent.
Using factive verbs and certitude, such as stating “This is so…” as opposed to “I think that this is so…” or the old favorite “absolutely…” as they know something is absolute.
With every competition there is the possibility of cheating. Cheating is going against the spirit of the game. Even if agreed rules are in place we need to keep an eye on each other similar to how it is done in golf with each player marking the others score card.
How many times have you just met someone and thought they were a “loser”?
Obviously not a “winner”.
Is Sex competitive?
Well we all know it is a race to see “who comes first!”
Can you name something that is not competive?
Painting? Well we have the Archibald prize for portraiture in Australia.
Writing? What about the Booker Prize?
Why do some people find it difficult to realise that conversation can be competitive also?
Or is that part of the nature of this competition, that even some of the candidates are not aware that it is a competition and therefore not prepared for such an event. That would explain why there are so many losers from this competition in the form of broken relationships and with so many repeat offenders.
Competing against oneself
To behave better than your last encounter
Good looks, botox, breast implants, facelifts, fashion, all part of how we compete.
Height, weight, age, occupation, place of residence, even the car we drive are yet more signs of “winning” and “losing”. Accents and how we say something lets us compete even further so why shouldn’t what we say during conversation also be competitive. Well I think what we say during conversation is probably the most competitive of all of the things I have mentioned.
Unfortunately for most, “awareness” has been deemed a handicap for me or anyone else that wishes to enlighten themselves, with the less aware telling me that I am “thinking too much” or “too deep”. I guess it is all part of the competition and their way to try to win and deem others as loser. A bit of irony to me.
Two More Competitive Questions
Is awareness competitive?
And is conformity competitive?
If conformity is competitive then if one wins at it does it effect our awareness ability?
The End! or the end of the beginning.