Conversation on the principles of separating the behaviour from the person and then the problem from the behaviour.
From Peter Crocker’s Article on Flying Solo:
Hi all. Thanks so much everyone for such thoughtful comments – we are complex beasts! I tend to agree with a few comments saying that projecting labels on other people isn’t generally helpful, as we all have shades of grey in our personality traits. However I find labels and explanations such as these very helpful for understanding certain behaviours within myself. Thanks again, Peter
Separating the person from the behaviour (an old one but a good one) is basically what I was intimating Peter. Taking it even one step further and separating the behaviour from the problem, would be my latest take on this. (I can explain further if anyone is interested)
15 Oct 12 | 23:09 AEST
Now I’m intrigued 🙂 I’d be happy to hear an explanation of these points if you have time?
Drat, you called my bluff.
Ok, let’s see if I can explain it for this situation Peter.
Let’s first separate the person from the behaviour
And we get a person that acts introverted. But we still can tend to see the behaviour as the problem.
I don’t think it is. And I think the whole discussion was about that, defending the behaviour.
If we separate the problem from the behaviour then HE (observer) has the problem with the behaviour.
That problem is HIS alone not in the behaviour.
Then all we have is two sets of behaviours, extroversion and introversion and no judgment
or bias to favour either.
HE now has the problem, (the problem is his alone) his perception of such behaviours.
If HE wants to remove HIS problem HE could start a conversation with the person’s displaying introversion or extroversion.
HE could propose a solution to help HIM out of HIS problem.
Then a converse solution could be proposed by the other, etc, etc.
Until they got an agreement.
Neither person or their behaviours is the problem but the problem is still HIS,
and I am sure that HE will want help to remove it and do it in a nicer way because of this.
(sorry, the best I can do first up, I am still working on explaining the idea)
16 Oct 12 | 00:19 AEST
Thanks Des, I’m still trying to get my head around this but i like the sound of this part “all we have is two sets of behaviours, extroversion and introversion and no judgment or bias to favour either”. That would be the ideal, but at the risk of sounding defensive :), I think there is a tendency in general society to under value the positives of introversion.
Good point peter and now we are entering into attributing “general society’s” behaviour as THE problem.
If you agreed to apply the principle of separating the problem from behaviour then you will allow them to have their behaviour (not see it as negative either) and you have the problem.
Now if you can learn to explain to the people in general society, with that behaviour, the principle of separating the problem for behaviour, then they might be able to help you out of your problem.
And so the movement begins.