“Anger is understandable but not acceptable”.

In other words (mine) any problem that we learn to understand the cause means we do not HAVE TO accept the effects.

For example when the Black Death ravaged a large town or city in the 14th century, because of the lack of understanding it was accepted that it was a potential death sentence by the majority of the inhabitants. But as it was understood that the cause was poor sanitation and the spread of bacterium not a curse or witch craft (superstition), then it became less acceptable until finally such large scale plagues have been eradicated (hopefully).

The point being that the more that we understand the causes of anger the less that we have to accept the devastating effects as a given. If you think anger is a given, then I suggest a good read is The Anger Habit:Proven Principles to Calm the Stormy Mind by Carl Semmelroth and Donald Smith. Their explanation helps improve our understanding on anger and reduce our superstition that its effects are inevitable.

Through this thinking, the cause and effect becomes the problem not the perpetrator and victim. Getting an agreement on this premise before a conversation can go a long way to starting off this process of helping each other understand and moderate each other’s anger, I think.