Why do we converse?
Is it for our own benefit or for others?
It is a tough question but I think I have the answer.
I converse to convert my ideas or concepts using other people’s feedback.
So if I don’t get feedback, I don’t get to convert my ideas and don’t learn
during the conversation process.
So I converse for my benefit but if I am conversing with someone that
equally understands this principle then they have as much chance to
convert their own ideas or concepts and converse for their benefit too.
There seems to be two forms of conversation, formal and informal.
Formal goes something like this.
“Hello, what is your name and where are you from?”
“Hi, my name is Des and from Australia. What is your name and where are you from?”
“My Name is Nora and I am from Germany.”
“How long have you been in Australia Nora?”
Etc etc. Boring and predictable but it is something but not very much chance of converting
each other’s own ideas because we get pulled along by each other’s questions.
Of course a formal conversation could develop into an informal one but in my experience
a formal approach rarely gets into the informal as most people that participate in
formal conversations are not so consciously aware of the possible converting process of a conversation.
The informal conversation is a piece of art and a great opportunity to share and convert.
It goes something like this:
“Hello, I noticed that your t-shirt says Chicago. I have always wanted to go there and
ride one of the cross country trains and meet some hunky yank if I get lucky, is that
where you are from.”
“No, my x-girlfriend is from there and I like to still wear it so that I can remember never to get myself it the same type of relationship ever again. You seem pretty desperate to find a guy, to me.”
“No not really, I am just open any opportunity that comes my way, hunky American guys is just one of them.”
“Oh yeah, well I am from Dallas and 6 foot tall but as I said I am not about to repeat my last mistake but I am open to a conversation”
“Shoot!”
Correct me if I am wrong but the informal one sounds so much more interesting and with so much more of a chance to convert our own specific concepts and ideas as we direct the context. It seems that the more one gives the more one can gain or convert from such a conversation.
Think about what I have written here and see if it applies to your approach to conversation. And next time you have a chance to start a conversation with a stranger try the more informal approach and see what you actually manage to convert from the experience. Or any feedback that you can offer on this topic to help me convert it would be much appreciated.
rethink PERFECT 
I’d say the informal approach is much more unpredictable I.e. who knows where the fuck it ends up.
Hence if one is after something predictable, like sex, then probably better to stick with the predictable conversation path.
I do both during a conversation but invariably I err on the side of unpredictable, that’s why I woke up this morning fully clothed with my beanie still on. Wtf!
I think my conversation had the desired effect (albeit somewhat subconsciously) and I avoided having to wear a Chicago T-shirt as a result.
I think the unpredictable conversation is harder to do but safer and more rewarding in the long run, provided one makes it to the long game in one piece.
Dear annonamouse,
one thing I did forget to mention is what can happen when we get a formal approach and informal approach to conversation together. A bit of a disaster really in my view as the formal person will more than likely be afraid of the formal approach and close up even more.
This is a real dilemma for me and I am still working on how to overcome it. One way, though is that if a woman initiates the conversation, regardless whether it is formal or informal they are much more likely to move to the informal approach as they have already broken convention by starting the conversation. So I wait for that woman to initiate and as I am reminded by most people, I will be waiting for a long time. They may be right but maybe the wait is worth it