Small, Medium and Large Talk

We all know what Small Talk is, right! But what about Medium and Large Talk?

Large talk is the opposite to small talk (obviously). It consists of controversial issues,
or when we are conversely speaking. Debates, posing arguments on subjects that are very personal to us such as sex, politics, money, business, secrets, love, and parenting for example. Generally we do not have Large Talk with people that we just met at the bus stop. People in relationships can take years before they ever get to the largest of talk and some never even make it at all.

What if we used an agreed method or process to get us from Small Talk to Large Talk?
This is where, you may have guessed, that Medium Talk comes in.

Medium Talk, in my view, is the process that we agree to use with each other within a relationship on how we go from Small Talk to Large Talk. That is, we use Medium Talk to create a “medium” that facilitates Large Talk.

I think that most people seem to bypass the Medium Talk concept and resort to speculation or gut feeling to determine how large or small a conversation they can have with someone else. Whereas Medium Talk can take the speculation or degree of risk out of the equation and make the possibility of Large Talk more predictable, practical and manageable.

Here is the “medium” that I have prepared earlier that my brother and I agree to use for moving from Small Talk to Large Talk.

· Deadlines = expectations = resentment = anger

· All anger is understandable but not acceptable to us.

· When one speaks one can detect levels or degrees of anger using three simple measures of
non-Adjustable, non-Accountable and non-Acceptable language.

· Once detected one needs to respond with Appreciation, Acknowledgment and Apology rather than falling into the anger trap of non-Adjustable, non-Accountable and non-Acceptable language.

· All conversations (Big Talk) can be investigated afterwards, like a black box recorder to spot the errors as per the agreed “medium”, and to help improve the learning process and medium.

· It takes two to tango.

Like any art or medium this needs to be practiced to be mastered.

This entry was posted in Agreements. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Small, Medium and Large Talk

  1. Big talk in a way is like we are overly disagreeing and small talk that we are overly agreeing.

    Like your swing diagram – swinging from one extreme to the other – whereas if we just got better at medium talk we’d have less swing and therefore less need for big and small talk.

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