We all know or should know that a relationship is made up of thousands of agreements
and disagreements in its lifetime. So, one would think that if we are going to form such an arrangement that we would have a common agreement for what an agreement actually means to us. A no-brainer, one would think.
To me, this should be the first question we should ask a potential partner/friend/lover or all of the above. ie to get an explicit agreement as to what an agreement means to us.
The playwright Bertolt Brecht said that as soon as something seems the most obvious thing in the world, it means that we have abandoned all attempts to understand it.
Try it yourself. Ask someone close to you what an agreement means to them (get the to write it down) but beforehand write down what you think an agreement means to you. And see how close you are and if you can sign off on a single agreement. ie like you have 2 minutes to come up with a single sentence for what an agreement is and it needs to be sent to the publishers.
Make sure they know the context of the experiment and have some fun.
Please don’t blame me though, if you end up getting divorced during the process.
I assumed that I had an agreement with my brother but while writing this post I asked him and I was quite surprised by the results (see below).
My bet is that if I try get it with a potential mate it may well be much harder again. The surprise is how quickly the ego kicks in. Obviously one statement is going to be better than the other and so one will have to be willing to swallow ones pride if one is to get this agreement. Or you could do what most men seem to do and simply acquiesce. (sorry guys)
An agreement to me means that:
“We form an idea that we can say stands for that moment but is open to be reworked at anytime after.”
My brother came up with:
“Putting into words a relatively in-common understanding”
After much debate on Skype Chat (over 40 minutes)
we finally settled on:
We agree that an agreement is when:
“We form an idea that we can say stands, for now.”
PS The next question to ask is what we think an disagreement is?