If I asked you to complete the above heading what would you say?
I think that most people will say Victims of Persecutors or Abusers.
The blameless and the blamed.
This seems to me to be a very simplistic and polarized view of the world, and one
that is ubiquitous in our media, social media, and society in general.
Now imagine if we changed it to Victims of Victims?
Where, instead of being the victim of an individual or group we were the victims of compromised systems and where people are simply part of these systems.
What would this mean?
Firstly it could mean that we stop trying to find someone to blame for our lot and maybe start to do something about it to change or create new & better systems. Less fallible systems. It could also mean that we help those that suffer the most because of these systems like the poor, minorities and displaced, instead of demonizing and blaming them for their lot, as is the way of some political systems.
I think it is time we stop seeing ourselves as victims of others but of the systems, traditions, political, legal and educational institutions that still need considerable improvement before we can safely say there are no more victims of victims.
the process (for short term gain) – until finally it doesn’t work out as we’d hoped (i.e. Thinking we’d come out of it better off than the other person)
And in that moment rather than identifying our role within the system, and what we could have done differently, we want to blame the system for being unfair – which I think perpetuates the system at least in our own minds, reinforcing the neural connections (i.e. Hence We fail once again to rise about the system (aka ourselves, and hence don’t progress our capabilities)
We can either blame the other, the system or fault the system. I think we should fault the system i.e. Spot the errors and causes then work at getting help to change them
So you are saying that eventually after we are sick of compromising ourselves, thinking that we were going to get the better of this that we finally call it a compromise and blame the other for it ie she gets angry. I reckon that women are great at this at stepping up and men shy away from this being more passive. All that is necessary is to get them to step up in a more constructive way (drop the blaming and take equal responsibility for their choice as adults) and work together to address this compromise aka a match made in heaven, in my view we we can both do this. ie men stop blaming women for stepping up and calling it nagging but
appreciate that she or whoever is the first to step up and call this compromised fault.