Dez and the Art of Conversation

A study of 3 choices in relating and what “conversation” is really for.
Twenty two years ago I asked a young woman, that I worked with, what a conversation was for and her half joking reply was “Your f#%ked!” I guess it is not the question “normal” people ask but I guess I’m not a normal person. Twenty two years later I think I may have the answer. Below are the 3 aspects that go into making up a conversation. I will try explain what I think are the pros & cons for each and what a conversation is actually for.

1. Why “silence is golden”?…gold doesn’t change!

Suppress Silence Stagnate

A study of why we have secrets and the role of guilt in a relationship.
I figured out a long time ago that relating often revolves around
“Lying by omission”. It says more about people by what they leave out than what they say I reckon. Moving forward from silence we have…

2. Why we compromise ourselves by compromising?

Complaint Compromise Confrontation

A study of the double meaning of “compromise” in a relationship.

How can such an important word for relationships have two contrasting meaning?
Could these duel meanings be causing break down in people and in relationships generally? Or is it a combination of both Compromise & Silence?


3. To argue or not to argue that is the question?

Argument Agreement Advancement

A study of problem solving within a relationship that is as old as Socrates.
How agreements are formed with Agreed process of arguing using 6A’s.
Speak: Acknowledge, Appreciate, Apologise to convert suppression and complaints into arguments.
Listen for: Adjustable, Accountable, Acceptable language to convert arguments into agreements. Also the irony in that “argument” also has contrasting duel meaning.

4. Conversely speaking
Finally, how this understanding is used in a conversation to convert each other using a convergence of converse ideas.
Examples of my failed conversations over the last 22 years & how I aim to have a successful one someday.


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