Glad you asked Kim.
Ok, I thought that this issue was a side issue for me and my bro in how we approach people when they chose to use language like "you can’t do this" or "you have to do that" etc.
But as it is turning out it has become the other half of the whole problem.
In the case of this person (Ray) I was conversing with I had planned to use my 3 speaking A’s
ie Appreciate, Acknowledge, Apology but instead I fell into my old habits, even though I have been working on this concept for over 25 years.
So when Ray said “You still a need “truth” in your life”, I proceeded to try to talk her out of this concept or convert her thinking. When in theory I believe in converting my own concepts not others. And it took me a couple of days before I noticed my error.
How I could have approached Ray’s statement was by doing some rethinking and then forming the following specification:
Appreciate: “Thanks for this opportunity to try my latest reply Ray….
Acknowledge: I have just noticed that your statement is not acceptable for me as it does not sound adjustable or accountable enough for me.
Apology(speech in defense) : I am sorry Ray but can you help me out and rephrase it so that it is more adjustable, accountable and ultimately more acceptable for me?
Now to date I have never approached a conversation in this manner and am unsure of what her reply would have been
but it would have been in context to what we had talked about to that point.
Now some people might think that this type of reply to Ray would be unacceptable but to me I would rather this approach than someone telling me what I SHOULD do or how I SHOULD think or ask me some rhetorical question.
But that may just be me.