Just reading a book last night called Nerve by Taylor Clark and he talks about the story of how this prince came to enlightenment some 2500 years ago (now called Buddha).
Just before he came to this point he realised that his mind was like a monkey swinging
from tree to tree. Once again it is interesting the use of this analogy of a swing for the mind
and how we deal with fear.
Another point I thought interesting is that in his book he more talks about
people in relation to their own fear and how they come to deal with these personal fears.
Where as my concept is much more about how two people connect and deal with their joint fear. This “coordinated fear” (and coordinated behaviour) seems to be left out in psychology books generally but included in economic books much more. Think of phobias like acrophobia, arachnophobia, fear of snakes, hypochondria etc and general anxieties. He does not seem to mention fear of disagreements and our one-on-one fears. Such as fear of losing what we have already with a person and fear of losing our future time with a person.
Fear of non-conformity/peer pressure or fear of not showing who we really are. I think that most of our fears are made up of these one-on-one or coordinated fears. For every connection we make we have associated and coordinated fears, I believe.
How we talk to each other can either exasperate or reduce our coordinated fears.
After all who doesn’t fear being screamed at or being ignored (given the silent treatment)?
Two opposing fears but also both legitimate and can be used as torchure techniques.
i.e. She says “you never do that” and he says ” you always say that”. This feeds our coordinated fears (use of non-Adjustable and non-Accountable language)and creates the resonance that expands in to a full on fight, as we push each other’s thought back and forth.
Think of two people pushing a child on a swing from both sides. The resonance of each action, from both sides, contributes to the swing reaching its highest point much quicker (a heated conflict).
This is the same as the coordinated behaviour I mention in my book with the swing fault in the original millennium bridge design caused by pedestrian coordinated side to side movement.
Having a plan to inject non-coordinated movement, from at least one person, is the plan of
Rethink Perfect, through responses such as Appreciation, Acknowledgment and Apology.
I have taken this swing and turned it upside down as in the diagram below but is still driven by our coordinated fears. And can be dampened using, the agreed to, 6A rules of engagement, counter balance or moderator.