Now that all genders are supposedly equal the question that I think is very
important is who should seduce whom?
I find it very difficult to get anyone to buy into this conversation, with most
preferring to either put it in the too hard folder or the unimportant folder.
I don’t think it should be in either, as I think it could be one of the most
important questions that is not being asked with regards why relationships
are failing and also believe that if enough of us participated in this conversation
then we could nut out a solution or a workaround that would solve a number of
social behavioural problems that I reckon this issues poses.
At least most people start off by agreeing that in the past men did more of the
overt work at seducing (chatting up) and women covertly seducing (dressing up).
But now I am told that it is about equal in how men and women approach their mating cycle. But when I tell them that I am waiting to be seduced (chatted up) I am repeatedly told that I will be waiting a long time, and I have to admit that they are right there, so far.
So what are the down and upsides to overt and covert seducing?
When you think about it if you were nature and you wanted to create a system
where you were guaranteed to produce the greatest quantity of progeny then having
men as the overt seducers and the women as being susceptible to such overt seduction
would be that process, in my view.
But we are more than victims of nature, hence we create contraceptives to fool nature, to some degree. And when all else fails there is always abortions with some 85,000 done annually in Australia.
What would happen if we added another tactic or weapon to our contraceptive arsenal to combat nature and simply switched overt and covert seducers. Where men reduced their overt seducing (chatting down and dress up) and women took up the overt seducing option more (chatted up and dressed down) ?
It’s worked for me so far, but maybe I could have dressed up a bit more.
I reckon for a strong and somewhat balanced attraction to grow – having both doing the seducing is more likely.
It’s a bit like sharing the leader and follower role.
The idea of covert and overt seducing is interesting – I guess to some extent nature (subconscious) is doing the covert seducing – but who knows – maybe it’s the other way around.
I don’t have any evidence to suggest that this sort of balanced approach to seducing would lead to a successfull realationship – however I imagine that’s how I would like it over the length of the mating cycle. I’d like to feel that she wants me as much as I want her.
With regards to the initiation of the process I tend to wait for the girl to initiate that (overtly) – but maybe the male has done covert seducing prior to her initiation.
Though I’m not sure how important it is who goes first in the scheme of things now – given I think it is a little like the tossing the first coin (previous post)- and if the coin tosses don’t balance out throughout the courting then I don’t think the relationship would really work anyway (ie creating a quality equality* ) in the long term.
However I do think in this mating cycle of a sort of balanced seducing – that the final toss of the coin prior to actual mating should be by the woman – because I think she’ll make a better choice ( if seducing has been balanced til that point) motivated by the fact she’s the one who has to go through the pregnancy, have the child and hopefully she has chosen well enough for a partner who hangs around and supports her to raise the child well.
* first coined by Des Sherlock 🙂
Follow me i’ll be right behind you!
slight correction – I think she has the ‘penultimate’ toss of the coin (prior to mating) i.e. if she wants to mate with him, then he has the final toss of the coin i.e.to say yes or no to the idea of a family with her.
I agree and we get the last choice to give it a go or not.