I think I might have just about cracked it!…(for now)
After 30 years of searching I think I have finally come up with what I think is the foundation of what makes a relationship “work”. It might take me another 30 years to
competently explain it, but here goes.
I call this the Relationship Operating System (ROS) just like an OS that computers and mobile phones use. And then, on this, all other agreed applications can be built.
It consists of :
- The Agreement Agreement
We get an agreement on what an agreement means to us.
For example it is not a promise or compromise but what we agree to try,
see how it goes and then pump the results back into the agreement.
- Trying is Flying
Making a proposal for an agreement is critical by both participants. And like wings, there needs to be a balance with both pulling their weight. If we stop moving forward
we stall. When we stop trying/flapping we fall out of the sky.
- Stand up for Stepping up
Whoever considers themselves the expert should be taken seriously
and we try it out for size. But they are now both accountable for the direction
and will need to explain how and why it did not turn out if it actually doesn’t and what part each played in the failure. With stepping up comes responsibility for both.
Finally, pump all the results/data back into the next proposal – agreement – try
So if trying is flying, the next question is trying what and I say it is trying to be explicit and the seeking of explicit agreements, maybe!