Every divorced relationship starts out in the same way, “successfully” or what
appears to be a “success”. That is why they get married or choose to live together.
Even relationships that end in murder started out the same way as every other marriage,
“successfully”. That is, successful enough to make an agreement to stay together for a loooong time or forever, as some couples promise.
So what went wrong? What happened from “success” to “failure”. Well I say a process
happened. That is, failure happened over a time line with certain failed behaviors. Not over night or just one incident. There would be the likelihood of an escalation process with warning signs, behavioral issues, heated disputes, and various symptoms, that would be especially obvious to professionals, and even outsiders.
Where does domestic violence (DV) fit into this?
DV does not start at the start of a relationship. I would even venture to say that DV does not occur before any promises were made. Both genders manage to keep it together at least until this agreement occurs and possibly a time after. I believe DV occurs also as an escalation process.
So, lets say we agree that the marriage started with “success”, with little anger, abuse and little if any DV. The escalation process that I am talking about would be that of annoyance, frustrations, outright anger, abuse, aggression and ultimately violence. And in some cases, finally escalating to even homicide on very rare occasions – see stats below.
What I am concerned about is that there is such a focus on the final escalation, that is homicide and the legal implications, the end of the process rather than the middle or start of this process of domestic disputes. A bit like shutting the proverbial gate after the horse has bolted.
The legal system deals with Domestic Violence, I just heard yesterday the DV term being used often in a magistrates court as both male and female accused lined up. Yes, that’s right, women can also be a perpetrator of DV. But I think we, (the general public) should be referring to DD (Domestic Disputes) more so, which is not a legal issue.
I believe that when we focus more on the start of the failing process, DD, rather than focusing on the end of this process, DV, that we will get a decline in failed relationships, divorce, violence and homicide in intimate partnerships.
I don’t think it should be a matter of having a knee jerk reaction, to the next death that occurs, due to DV, but a long term strategy to ensure that our domestic disagreements and disputes remain moderate and respectful, with agreed to, rules of engagement.
Rethink Perfect is my contribution to this type of long term strategy.
Changing attitudes is key to stamping out domestic violence: Tasmanian Governor
“Stamping out sexual and family violence is more to do with “attitudinal change” than law changes, says Tasmanian Governor Kate Warner.”
Intimate Partner Homicide statistics in over 7 years 1989-1996
Out of 211 homicides per year, 36% or 76 murders are by intimate partners.
That is, out or a population of 24,000,000 people, .3 intimate partner homicides per 100,000 People or 1 per 300,000 people in Australia is an intimate partner murder.
More stats coming soon.