You know what amazes me?
To me, “agreements” are the number one thing that drives our whole lives.
From working in teams at work, to selecting a personal partner.
Yet when I do a search on Google for Agreements Theory I can’t seem to find anything.
Surely if agreements are so important to us that there should be heaps of publications on this.
I suspect that we don’t have “agreements” so much in our lives as something else. More like
decisions that we comply with expectations.
Anyway I think there is something terribly wrong!
rethink PERFECT 
“something terribly wrong” sounds a bit dramatic. though i do agree we (people) have a lack of confidence in the process of getting agreements.
as a result we tend to mostly strive for agreements with those we think have something to offer us in return (aka: worth it)
i.e. when this perceived value outweighs the fear of loss. or when we have had enough of compromising ourselves (aka: tolerating)
like in your diagram depicts http://bit.ly/etUism i.e. balance between fear of losing ourselves and fear of losing the other.
i agree that if we challenge “so called” expectations, in itself we learn about and practice agreement processes, get better at it and the more confidence we gain.
if we dont then we are likely to just suffer in our undies…
You seem to be saying that when we finally pass some point of discomfort, that we then seek out the agreement. Imagine if we sought out agreements before we reached this point of desperation? Imagine if we knew how to avoid entering into this point of discomfort? Imagine if we could explain this as well as we can tie our shoelaces. Imagine if I could explain how to tie up my shoe laces as easy as I can do it. The knowledge of tieing up our shoelaces is called tacit knowledge. Being able to explain it is called explicit knowledge.
I think there is a need for both explicit and tacit knowledge when it comes to how to achieving quality agreements efficiently. Why we are so poor in this area of knowledge I am not really sure but the high growth in divorce and shattered relationships is an obvious symptom of the problem, I think.
Suggesting that I am being a “bit dramatic” would indicate to me that you must have a successful relationship with your wife and kids, which I believe you don’t. Maybe you are waiting for this level of “discomfort” before you actually seek aggrements with them.
So no, I do not agree I think your failure to see that this lack of Tacit & Explicit knowledge in a society built on relationships and agreements is a real worry if you are in one presently.
i wouldnt say ‘avoid’ the discomfort, but rather try deal with asap. like in business dont ‘avoid’ risk, but deal with it.
well i guess what i mean is I dont think ‘terribly wrong’ is very adjustable language.
i agree lack of discussion in our community about relating props up such high relationship failure levels, and is an indictment on us all to some extent.