I met Shauna (26) the other night. Five foot tall, beautiful, petite blonde and drives a 40 tonne dump truck.
She was telling me that I should not leave it “too late” to find someone. That I should “charm” women if I want to get anywhere with them. This idea intrigues me as it seems to be the same theme of many women that we men, in 2011, should still charm them. And what should they do? I suppose, accept the charming and charmer graciously however contrived, and ‘puts out’.
Well, this sounds very much like Victorian in thinking, to me. It is like they expect me to drive up in my horse drawn carriage with my driver at the reigns and me in the back with my top hat and white gloves on.
“How’d you do madam?” I say bowing slowly. “Charmed, I’m sure” she replies as she curtsies. How very quaint!
I wonder if any women have ever received the “charm” from a man that turned out to be anything but charming later on. Now wouldn’t that be cynical of me. To think that men would actually use this “charm” idea against women. Surely not. But this might explain why the failure rate of relationships is nearly one in two now. Maybe we men can only feign our charm for so long and women can only avoid scrutinizing our charm for so long. Maybe when couples say that they “grew apart”, she finally saw past his “charm”,
and found she just didn’t like the rest of his behaviour. That no amount of charm could cover that up.
Maybe if these women were less fond of some Victorian era myth and more discriminating with the men that they were talking to, like finding out what we thought about anger and when and if it was ever appropriate, for example. Or what we thought about open disclosure and when it was and was not appropriate, they may find a more appropriate and suitable partner for a long term relationship instead of a short term “charmer”.
Perhaps if these issues were cleared up first she could then help him to understand how she specifically wants to be “charmed” and I am sure he would have no problem in supplying her specific desires.
In 2011 I would venture to say that we men also are looking to be charmed. 100 years on from women seeking equality, surely it is time we got some equality in this area also? But in my case, I only want to be charmed by a woman that has dealt with the more important issues first, like her anger management issues and by someone that has similar values to open disclosure as I have. How I would like to be charmed will be reserved for the woman that meets my more immediate needs first. But a woman that is aware of sorting out her priorities first is a definite “charmer” to me.
I guess this post is not going to win me any brownie points in the “chariming” stakes, but gee it feels liberating! Any feedback much appreciated.