I have just realised that the last 24 years of seeking an apology from my mum was illegitimate.
Illegitimate, because of the error in the process. Instead of confronting her privately with my dispute I confronted her in front of my dad which resulted in her denying it and effectively lying.
The first 7 years I thought I could simply expect an apology. I then had to apologise for that strategy because I hate anyone expecting anything of me. Then, some 10 years ago I thought that if I apologised first that I had the right to seek and wait on an apology from her. Well once again I was wrong.
I guess what I took away from the last 24 years is that I believe that I am left holding the can in a dispute with anyone, for not having an agreement on how we engage and disengage. That the best way to complain responsibly is to avoid the standoff in the first place.
Hence the desire to find a method of delivery that I can achieve such an agreement before any meaningful engagement. I guess most people understand this subconsciously and avoid any in-depth engagement rather than seek agreements on rules of engagement.
Aka throwing out the baby with the bath water, i.e. don’t talk about religion, politics, sex or engagement frameworks.
From now on if anyone has any complaints about me or the framework for engagement that my brother and I use, I suggest you get an agreement with me <em>before</em> we engage rather than after. Otherwise all complaints in the future will simply be ignored.