One of my favorite songs at the moment is by Sia, Fair Game
http://www.directlyrics.com/sia-fair-game-lyrics.html
But, in my view, if we to want to play a fair game or fairer game, we are going to have to make some, explicitly agreed to, rules of engagement.
At present it is not a “fair game”, with an arms race of both sexes striving for the upper hand and in my view, us men are losing, badly.
How do I make such a call? Well, the suicide rate between males and females is some four times more in “favor” of males. Statistically we are obviously the weaker sex and some things in this “game” have got to change.
If the figures were reversed and women were killing themselves four times more than men, I believe that there would be an uproar, with all sorts of campaigns and flags being flown, by women’s networks, to rectify this imbalance. But I hear nothing, not a peep, with no one seeming to know or care that men are losing the game.
So, what is the solution? I don’t really know only that we are going to need some more women to do some batting for us as well as men needing to wake up from our slunber and start to prepare and train for a fairer game.
rethink PERFECT 
The way I see it, is that if one can be nuanced enough to realise that its not “agree vs disagree” and not “fear vs no-fear” etc but instead it a levels of….
So rather than trying to get an “agreement” per say (all or nothing) – I suggest we try gauge what level of agreement we are at with the other person. Then leverage from that with the aim to improve the level… (which will be evident in actions and conversation)
Perhaps too many men think “its my way or the suicide way” where as women are perhaps not so fragile i.e. a bit more anti-fragile.
I don’t think men have a “way” and just go with the flow and get lost in the rush.
So you are saying that an “agreement” means all or nothing.
Well I say change it, simples. Forming an agreement is the process and I agree that “agreement” is ALL or nothing but only for the moment or “now” that it was agreed to.
So, now that we have moved on….. it is time to continue our process form the next agreement on agreements or anything else. Any suggestions….?
You see I thought you understood what I did about agreement for all of this time.
In my book i have mentioned this thing about how we think in perfect parts for moments of NOW. But I don’t think I understood it myself either.
I am not afraid to believe we have a perfect agreement and then take it on the road.
I have been doing this for 30 years. The conversation exposes the areas that are then not in agreement and we simply rethink them and volah! we have the next agreement but not a new level bbut a new agreement instead, in my view.