While thinking of some titles for this article the first one that came to mind was: Walking with dinosaurs. I know that it’s a bit rude to refer to the insurance industry as being older than the St…
Source: Licensed to Thrill! How an Insurance Startup Became Licensed in 50 States.
The saying “up to you” seems to be a common phrase in certain societies.
It is a curious saying for me as when one is in a relationship or partnership with someone else it is mostly up to two not up to one.
So what is going on here?
I believe in an effort to please the other, the person saying “up to you”, ends up placing the responsibility for the outcome squarely on the other’s shoulders. A lot of the time that does not make me happy.
I believe in a relationship or partnership the the taking of responsibility needs to be shared more evenly in a lot of cases but of course certain roles are up to one, like carrying a baby. In this case I would say that was “up to you” to carry him or her. But up to two to decide if this was to occur.
Anyway, next time someone says to you “up to you” rethink if this is actually applicable and if you think not then let them know that maybe it is actually up to two, and ask to discuss the two options.
A singularity is so called, as defined by Elon Musk, that “when formed the outcome is potentially so powerful that the resulting effect is unpredictable”.
Could “love” be a singularity and be as simple as having a similar level of understanding of each other? Then what if we used our presumed understandings of each other and ourselves in a more formal idea called an agreement, to test or simply see how close we are to these understandings in reality?
The next step would be to form our first set of agreements that could form this singularity:
Then at any time we can let the other person know that we need more help from them to understand them. Maybe.
I am yet to try this out fully.
And during this process of me helping the other understand me I end up helping me understand myself also. Win win and this is what I am proposing as my eventual
love singularity.
Cynic or sucker… but sure as hell we are not going to get it perfect, so it’s our choice.
I would probably class myself as a cynic, erring on the cautious, but I can be a sucker for some things like pretty women or kids.
Maybe the ideal is if we swing across the divide, between the two poles. Crossing rapidly over this (perfect) center line, confusing everyone including myself.
Is this possible? Maybe or maybe something just aspire to.
Anyway I am in the process of finding out how close I am to being a sucker this time.
I seem to be rambling now….. to be continued.
A simple method to reducing anger is to be prepared and consider going higher in the chain of command.
So, if one has a dispute with some service provider then simply let them know and if it is not satisfactorily resolved then you simply ask for the management. The first thing that this person is likely to say is “she will just tell you the same as I have”. This has happened to me a number of times, and is the person’s way to defend their position. Simply repeat that you would like to speak to the manager or get their contact details. Then once you speak to the manager and still have not resolved the problem satisfactorily, then once ask again to speak to their manager or owner or boss etc in the chain of command. Never give up and this will help you to refrain from getting angry.
It my take up more of your time initially but the pay off is we learn to keep our cool and gain more quality time, piece of mind and control.
So, why does it seem to be so tempting to use ANGER to identify that we have a problem?
The answer is maybe because it goes viral causing a raucousness around that angry person.
Like a baby crying, or a chimpanzee going ape-shit, or a madman with an assault weapon.
Anger only seems to identify that the person (or animal) has an issue but does NOT seem to help us or them to observe the:
Who,
What,
When,
Where,
How and Why
of the problem.
Only calm, rational discussion and conversation can achieve that, in my view.
I think it is time I reduced my anger further.
If a person has relied on anger to get what they have wanted all their life then it is likely they will have a bunch of tools in place to make sure they don’t lose it.The irony is that they are the same tools that make up anger itself. Perhaps anger is just a whole bunch of tools to defend itself and it’s existence and that it is not really part of us at all?
Maybe the opposite to anger is to understand and agree. So in an attempt to get to understand and agree we can expect to get the following from anger in it’s defense.
Silence is a powerful tool to try isolate the person that we are trying to get an agreement with. Rhetorical questions are another favorite that allow us to accuse and blame someone that we are trying to understand and get an agreement with. Then of course there is tone, volume, swearing and then threats that starts to really impede upon the understanding and agreement. Finally we have aggression and violence that basically makes it impossible to understand and get an agreement.
Anger has really done it’s job when it results in the other person also showing these signs of misunderstanding and disagreement, resulting in an impasse.
Growth, to me, is just about having certain expectations and making preparations for them. And maybe, as soon as our expectations are exceeding our preparations by too much, we start suffering irritation and pain and have four choices:
So, instead of seeking help from doctors when we are suffering from being overly angry, being overly sad or being overly tired, maybe it is just time to do a little more work in preparation for our expectations or simply reduce them.
This could be our human growth cycle at work and these, quite simply could be our growing pains.
Ok time for a nap!
I reckon a relationship (personal, in this case but could apply to business also) is not so much about having fun together but is more for seeing how well we would go about solving problems together.
Imagine, I personally solve a couple of thousand problems a day only don’t realize it. From putting on my shoes to feeding myself to keeping a roof over my head etc. Each decision I make is effectively a problem I am solving.
With two people there are twice as many problems to solve but a lot of them overlap. But also a whole lot of new problems rear their ugly head, especially disputes and with them comes anger.
We can also help each other solve our own problems and any new ones and measure it. Technically the sum of our two parts should be greater than the individuals.
But add a child or two and then we are really talking PROBLEMS.
Seeing how well we solve our own problems together first, in a relationship, is an ideal way to see how well we are likely to be able to solve the real problems of bringing up children, in my view.
I think we are extremely intricate problem solving animals. I think also that being aware of this process should make our choosing in the mating cycle a lot easier.
Problem solved!
PS
In summation, if a relationship is more about solving problems together but then the biggest and most difficult problem that a relationship brings with it are disputes and ANGER, then maybe the first problem that needs to be solved together is ANGER and how we resolve disputes.
Here is my first draft for my Anger Proposal that I would like to make with someone that I want to form a relationship or partnership with (business or personal).
“If I get angry, then I will offer an acceptable apology to you for my anger”
That does not include me blaming my anger on anyone or anything, only my lack of preparation for my expectations.
I can only speak for myself but what keeps me interested in a relationship is that we would have an equal and opposite amount of diverging views as we would have converging views.
Like that of a double helix, we would continuously wrap around each other even though, at times we are moving away from each other.
Anything less than this dance and I would also quickly lose interest, drowning in the obvious obsequiousness of false acceptance.
This was my reply to this post on Facebook
rethink PERFECT 