Q: How do I deal with this person?
Separate the person from their behaviour
Q: How do I deal with this behaviour?
Separate their behaviour from the problem
Q: How do I deal with this problem?
Separate OUR behaviour from the recurring of problem
Q: How do I deal with the recurring problem?
Get an agreement with this person.
The prolem is not me, it’s mine in how I react or deal with someone trying to “…ram their ideas down my throat” or trying to make me, or my behaviour, the problem.
An old mate of mine, used to say to me, that… “ The problem is me”, until one day he decided that the problem was actually me or in this case that I was a “…troublemaker” and he never spoke to me since.
How I dealt with him making me the problem was to apologise for especially not having any agreed rules of engagement or code of ethics to deal with such disputes.
So now I would aim to make an agreement with him and anyone else that we make the problem our own and not make the person or even their behaviour the problem.
How does this translate? Well, I aim to own and convert my problem and then can apply all of those cliché that are used in relationships on the problem.
ie.
Commitment: I am committed to solving/converting my problems. These problems are mine. They are my problems.
Trust: I trust that I will solve/convert my problems.
Love: I love solving/converting my problems
Respect: I respect my problems and the process I use to solve/convert them.
Communicate: I will communicate my problems so that I can solve/convert them.
Truth: The Truth is my problem and how I go about solving/converting them.
A young guy recently said to me that he did not not mind what someone said to him so long as they did not try to “…ram it down my throat”.
This is an interesting saying to me because, just earlier, I had been accused by him, that
I did not present my message well enough for him to easily swallow.
Sounds like he has high expectations of how others need to speak to him but at the same time I do not want to be accused of this either so I will proceed to dissect what I see as my problem and see if I can convert it.
I guess my problem is that he seems to be making everyone around him, including me, that does not speak or act perfectly with him, into THE problem, setting himself up as some sort of deity, which I guess we all do to a lesser or greater degree.
Of course no one literally tries to “ram their ideas down our throat” but they do try to make us as the problem and try to convert us away from this problem.
Hey! Wait a minute, that sounds like our young friend above, making everyone else the problem and in his, round about way, trying to convert them from their problematic ways.
What a paradox and a hypocritical way to act and think, I think.
So what is the solution to this problem? I will leave you to ponder first and for a while and any feedback much appreciated.
What is the solution to anger and agression? The question and answer is a conundrum.
Firstly, the learning process that I used to recover the solution is the actual solution.
I think that the answer to solving the problem of anger and aggression is:
“To convert our own problems into agreements and therefore better solutions.”
The process of converting our own problems is commonly called Con-ver-sa-tion, and results in a Con-ver-sion and a Con-ver-gence of minds.The better that we can converse the better agreements that we get and ultimately better solutions.
On the converse, anger and aggression can occur when we try to convert other people’s problems and results in very poor solutions that are not as inclusive.
Why has this process been lost or infact, do you even recognise that it is a solution that has been lost? I think this may be because it is a singularity, in that the problem is the solution and the solution is the problem. To solve this problem we already need the solution and to get the solution we need to solve the problem, hence the conundrum.
Moderate your conversations well!
Read more on The Singularity is Near by Ray Kurzweil and his future predictions:
I think that people who say "..you think too much", will never have an original thought #enoughthinking
Men initiate for sex.
Women initiate for success.
Wow what a night!!
I went to the Broadbeach Hotel, Liars and while there watching the finals (3 codes I did not know which one to look at)
I saw a very sexy young woman walk in and go to the tolilet. When She came out I thought that this is the girl I will talk to tonight, or would do if I was a preditor, which I am not.
Anyway later on, unbeknownst to me a guy an gal stood at my bench table. We had small talk about the footy (all 3 codes) and then this Canadian guy quizzed me about my life and I told him I have never married “technically” and she said you have still been “arse fucked”! I explained that my only “marriage” was one of “convience” to assist her to get her visa, an experiment in nature and this girl was enthralled by my story. At 27 she had her herum there of about 6 young guys and pulled all the strings that night, with them.
Thsi turned out to be the very same sexy girl that walk in and I hoped to talk to.
Anyway, I asked her 2 questions, what was her name, Rachel, and why did her last relationship fail. She said she could write a book on that and I said can she say it in a sentance. She said it was to do with trust, respect and love etc etc.
I said I can sum it up in a word. Expectations. That is she expected she could trust him and that he would trust her, same expectaions for respect, love etc etc, I am sure you get the picture. Sorry Rachel, expecting that we get reciprocal actions on our investment is unrealistic, I think, but nice try, been there, done that.
I also think that when women ( and guys) are willing to drop all their expections of LOVE, and apply what I call Adjustable Agreements, we will start to have the relationships that we were supposed to.
But I have to admit, having a herem, as she had, I think she is well on the way to finding what ever she wants. Good on ya Rachel for taking the initiative!
The stolen generation were the children of Australian Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander descent who were removed from their families by the Australian Federal and State government agencies and church missions, under acts of their respective parliaments. The reasoning being that aboriginal children were less likely to survive and half casts were more likely to be able to assimilate into the white man’s society.
Today we are hearing a similar argument from Peter Jensen, Anglican Archbishop of Sydney. He seems to be arguing that being a homosexual is a health hazard and children that may be considering this as a lifestyle should reconsider it for health reasons. In other words they should assimilate into the heterosexual way of life.
It took about 135 years for the federal government to apologise to the Aboriginal Stolen Generation and that only occurred when the older generation, Prime Minister John Howard departed and his younger generation predecessor, Kevin Rudd took his place and gave a long overdue and remarkable apology in February, 2008.
Although Peter Jensen says that he could be wrong, he thinks that he is right and I believe that he is unlikely to change his mind in thinking that homosexuals are degenerates and need to be saved from themselves and their unhealthy lifestyles. Previous and even present generations were unable to admit their culpability and past wrong doings, citing that they were doing it for their good. Can you tell me Peter why you would be any different?
I went to a local pub on Mimi Beach just for a quick beer after work and I found a wallet
outside. I quickly picked it up so that no one would notice and checked if there
was money in it, and there was, $100 in notes.
Hmm! I thought. Will I hand it in or not. I did some further thinking over a wee
and worked out a plan. I would buy myself a $5 beer from the proceeds and then hand it in. “That was fair” I thought. So I did.
Anyway the guy came up to me that lost it and I wasn’t sure if he would be pissed off that
I took $5 for a beer. Well the guy was rapt and couldn’t believe my honesty (even minus the $5). He said he was well off, had himself a few working girls in his car and he could look after me and give me some “coke”. I thought I don’t even drink coke and thought he should at least add some Bundy.
It wasn’t till a few minutes later that I realised what he meant by “coke” with the bar girl
also informing me that he was the biggest coke dealer on the Gold Coast.
Ah well we live and learn!
“Good design to me, is about building steadily upon flawed or deficient
agreements, evolving eventually from the telegraph to the smartphone”
Desmond Sherlock
rethink PERFECT 